I am long over due for a post, but I have felt very unmotivated lately. I was recently laid off from my job with out warning (I was not the only casualty by the company's decision) and have felt very misplaced ever since. I feel like I always felt stressed out about not having enough time to do anything, but now that I have several days off with nothing to do I find myself lost and unmotivated.
It's not as bad as it sounds really given that I am on my way home soon for the summer and will be finished with school for the semester soon. Given I was laid off so close to when school was about to end, I didn't really have enough time to look for a job or be hired for 3 weeks much less. Instead I am just stuck in limbo. I've been good, I have studied and kept up with school. I have packed all my belongings that are to be moved uptown to my new apartment in New York (I will not be staying there for the summer but it will be here when I get back!)
Now I have all the free time I could want but no one to spend it with and no money to do anything that I would want to do. Go uptown to a museum? Nope, that is subway costs and museum ticket and I am already down and out in my funds as is. I've pretty much just felt consistently terrible for weeks now and I am trying to be optimistic, but its really waring on me.
I am currently sitting in a room full of boxes (as I mentioned before I am moving my things to my apartment uptown) and then I will be staying in my dorm room for a week with pretty much nothing. How I will cook and pay for food I am still working out. I hate being broke. I hate feeling like I can do nothing about it and I hate most of all feeling like I am just wasting time.
I realize this is very much a "rant" but I just wanted to throw it out there since sitting on my bare mattress and feeling sorry for myself, by myself is less than fun. I am sad to see the semester end, but need it to end quickly so I can get out of here and start to get my life together again.
Feeling useless is not such a good feeling.