Sunday, January 4, 2009

Another Post. A Different Year.

It's 2009 now. It's pretty much been a year since I actually posted on this blog, but that's not completely my fault. I have been rather social lately, but if you had no internet (basically the worst internet connection known to man kind is more like it because yes I do in fact have some connection or how else would I be writing this now?) you would escape your house too. I could be reading, but I haven't been and that's that. I think it's because I just read two really good books and my current read is not at the same level and I'm kind of not encouraged to read it yet. It's a comedy that's like Watership Down how in it's a story from the point of view of animals, except in this case it's sheep and not bunnies. I like sheep a lot though, so seemed more appealing. I don't generally enjoy comedies though for some reason. I like reading depressing books as I said and this is light hearted and "fun" and for some reason I lack interest for that reason.

I could make some profound statements about the new years or changes I want to make or reflections I have, but I feel like it's a few days passed now and I kind of missed the dead line on all that at this point. Not that I had anything particularly profound to say in the first place. After not writing for so long I end up having had too much going on to have enough time to catch up and write about all of it. Then I get very stressed about not updating and have avoidance issues so I just won't update because I feel I am too far behind already.

I started this blog for my own entertainment, but sometimes I am not even sure what direction I should take it in or what the purpose of it even is. Am I entertained or just stressed out by it? I am stressed out by everything though. Letting my neurotic-ness get in the way isn't helpful to the process. Not that it really matters, I think I am the only one that even reads it and I am writing the pointless postings as it is. I think the main issue I have is that I enjoy writing about my thoughts and comments on different unimportant things, but at the same time I am very private about my personal life and every time I have something that might actually be meaningful or revealing in any way I decide I can't actually post it and what good is that. There are lot of things I would like to share and ask out openly to the virtual world, but in the end the critique I might get back from my friends and family that actually read the blog (2 friends and like my mother, thanks guys! I love that you read this garbage.) I am not sure I feel like hearing. I would just ask them directly in person and if I don't have the courage to do that what's the point in writing it and posting it online? I prefer to keep my life private. My business is my business. I want to share I guess I'll just have to wait.

On another vague note I have been very happy lately and I think keeping it to myself makes me feel like it won't go away. Plus I feel slightly guilty about feeling happy about things right now. It's limited and has an expiration date on it for sure, so for now I am just going to enjoy it while I have it. I'll have months to wallow or whatever I feel like doing later. For now I'm happy.

Planning on going to spend time with my mother for the next 3 days. I haven't seen where she has moved too and I've only seen her about 25 hours in the past year, so I am pretty excited to see her. I am going to see her new house and all so that should be fun. However, it started snowing again today...Seattle the city that never snows is suddenly has Alaskan winters. Yes, I am aware Alaskan winters are more severe, but the snow is no longer "cute" at this point it's just inconvenient. If it interferes with me getting to go see my mother I'll be even more annoyed.

I'm finished posting for now. My next message may be sporadic yet again, but I'll try to keep up.

Current Listenings: "I'm A Lady" by Santogold. Great song, give it a listen. I find it particularly hilarious because a friend of mine is always saying I should act more like a lady. This one's for you.

Side note: The type writer image is purely for educational value. I couldn't think of a picture relevant to my post, so I thought I would just give you something that might actually enrich you rather than just my rantings.


miya said...

well i certainly read this so called nonsense. a blog is whatever you make of it so dont feel stressed, cuz you can do whatever you want with it. i have read blogs for a year and then suddenly the girl up and disappears. totally normal. hahah. As for posting personal things, i tend to just type them out and make choose the private setting on that entry so that its never actually published to the general public. typing it out is extremely helpful though and its interesting to look back later.

Riley said...

I am trying to find a mixture of venting, sharing, and random thoughts....not sure how it's working. Glad you read at least!